Dear readers,

Question: “What is the date of expiry of validity for a secret?”

Recommended background: “Madonna – Secret” (embedded below)

Inspiration: Validity (Romanian – translated in English below)

In the last week, I have been haunting the web, jumping between blogs, reading ideas, viewing different writing styles. Analyzing; processing; thinking. Even if they talk about wine, about things or about ideas, all of them have something in common: they want to express themselves. This expression is more or less personal; fictional; cryptic, is more or less who they are. Even in cases when the online persona is totally opposite from the real life counterpart, this persona wants to express a message. And I reached a person who wrote 99 things about her (Romanian). Unusual blog – it is mostly about “Top 5″ various bits and pieces. But among all these bits and pieces, I found a message that challenged my neuron…

Let’s say someone has a secret, one thing that he/she did, or a belief, or whatever. The point is that nobody knows about it. Forget about the stereotype that a secret cannot be kept really secret, and that at any given time at least two people know about it. Let’s suppose that only one person knows. How long should that person wait until it is all right to reveal the mystery? When I say “all right”, I mean the absence of major repercussions, but also that those who would learn the secret would not consider it necessary to judge the person for what he/she did, or for what he/she  thinks.

I think that, as in most cases, everything is relative, and the date of expiry of validity of a secret depends on its importance (or, better said, on its severity). For example, if someone has lied to his/her parents, that person can tell them after a short time without the risk of a punishment (of course, the secret is not about him/her killing another human being). But maybe there should be some warranty terms by category.

When can you tell the guy you loved silently in high school how much you liked him without him looking at you with condescension or simply start laughing at you?

When you can tell your homophobic friends that you had intimate experiences with someone of the same sex (and you liked it) without them excluding you from the group?

How long you should wait until you tell a teacher that you have copied at all his exams and that you think that everything he taught you to be absolutely useless?

When can you tell a friend that you despise (or you have despised) his/her deeply loved?

When you disclose to your close ones that you had a relationship with a married man?

How long should you keep to yourself that you tried to commit suicide, but you did not succeed?

How long do you wait until you tell to a snobbish friend that you stole from a store?

And the fact that you do not tell to anyone means that it did not actually happen? It is a way to deny to yourself parts of your personality that you can not reconcile with and that you would condemn yourself for? It’s a way to bury your conscience or, the opposite, is just one more reason to burden yourself?

I’m waiting for suggestions.

The very definition of secret is hidden. Some may argue that some ideas/thoughts/events can be secrets (as in “hidden”) and the same things change their status. Well, those people are right and not. My (humble) opinion is that there are no small secrets. If you tell an idea, a belief to a friend; it was not a secret. If you share an awkward, unusual, hurtful event with a person you know; it was not a secret. If someone knows about your deepest bits and pieces of yourself; then those bits and pieces were not secrets. Every “secret” you will share is, in fact, a more important and serious piece of information (because you share it very hard and you share it only with a few people). To sum up: for me, secrets are defined as having no date of expiry of validity. As in, you take them into the death’s dust!

QUESTION: When do you share a secret? ANSWER: Why should I share it? We already established that it is hidden for serious/grave reasons; for serious/grave consequences. Why should I hurt others by telling them a disturbing opinion? Why should I be the one who ruins their day? What it would change? NOTHING! People like to be ignorant! “Ignorance is bliss!” – a very true statement. Simple people are more happy than others. “The truth sets you free!” – so totally wrong. Truth hurts people; it hurts them because they do not wish to hear it. Tell the truth; tell your secrets – I dare you! You will be instantly demonized and hated.

And to reach the end of this rant, one last (humble) opinion: your secret happened. It was real. You learned from it. You matured. The fact that you keep it for yourself does not reduce from its reality, its importance, its influence over you. It is not a sign of inhumanity, a guilt or a burden; it is only a private part of yourself; it is only YOUR SECRET!

Best regards,

Geo.

Dear readers,

You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.

A few minutes after a moment was gone, Tudor (the “uncut diamond”) started writing an answer. An unique style he has: he wrote it in 10 minutes, no looking back, just writing and then clicking that “Publish” button. I do not say for nothing he’s “uncut”, nor I compare him with a “diamond” because I have a biased opinion about him. In the same time I was reading his answer, I gave the link to a few people I respect. And… “as much as I love to learn, I must at a point choose my very own way, the road that only I walk” (Quicksilver).

Together we walk

I have done and felt and thought a lot of moments with Tudor beside me. I will continue to do so a very long time from now on; on the bumpy road of life there are unclear rules, but still rules.

Yes, it is a “gliche”, but life is a GAME. A game like chess, which is played in two, against each other, but in which you learn and mature, in which you lose or win. Chess (like many other games), it’s not about winning or losing, it’s about the road towards the end; about where you have started, what you learn, losing a queen (love) or a rook (a best friend), moving on, becoming stronger with every move you make, with every piece you take, with every square you conquer. It does not matter if you play with the white pieces (helping) or with the black pieces (profit); in both cases, you are a player, learning the rules, walking the road and knowing yourself.

Or you can compare life with more complex games: more players (relatives, people you know, friends, very close friends) and, implicit, more rules. The basics are the same: in life there are no winners, no losers.  At the end of the day, at the end of the month, at the end of the year, at the end of your life, it does not matter if you have won or lost; it only matters the road. Or better yet, compare life with a game of hide and seek: hiding from getting hurt and seeking love; hiding from unpleasant profiteers and seeking your career path; hiding from yourself and seeking others.

I was once read that one is defined as a sum of the people he/she knows. That is true, if you know better/stronger character/wiser people, you are defined by them and become one of them and even greater. That is true, but “until one point”; until one fine line: the line between the people that define you (that influence you, that are your helpers, that are your role models, that MAKE you who you are) and YOU.

No matter how great/better/stronger/wiser are the people that define you and how much you learn from them, THEY are not YOU. No matter how much time you will spend with them or how many wonderful and unique experiences you will have beside them, your character will revolt. Your character will scream. Your character will make you FIND YOUR OWN ROAD.

Many people will try to help you and walk beside you. You will reject them. Some people will try to talk you out of it. You will be deaf. A few close friends will know that the road you have chosen is the road that only you walk.

Best regards,

Geo (Belea2008).

P.S.: Where YOUR road will take you, I do not know. But I wish you farewell and success, my friend! (don’t forget to follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/Belea2008)

Dear readers,

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Guess what I’m doing now? Mainly the same and different, this time listening to “Amy MacDonald – This is the Life“. The same: embedded below; different: made some tweaks to the embed window (a little larger and a boarder and a blueish color theme) – let me know what do you think about it. I have the belief that one has to search people who talk about great things, for people who think about great things, for people who do great things. I still believe in it, but…

…how many small things will you do before achieving that “great thing”? How many conversations about wine will you participate in before giving a speech in front of a million people? Just count the moments in your life in which you were entangling in meaningless ideas or goals; count them as sheep and see how long you’ll last before falling asleep. In the same time, remember one random jinx: Not all will become leaders!

Even if you are an uncut diamond, or Dalai Lama; even if you are a random guy on the Internet, or Linus Benedict Torvalds; even if you are a young engineer, or Anghel Saligny; even if you are a male, or a female – we all have a moment… a moment in which we are lonely with a friend beside us, a moment in which we want more, a moment in which we think  about the past. In this moment, we do want to talk about ideas, we do not want to talk about things, we just want to talk about wine. We just want to remember. We just want to chat. And brag, and say nothing.

The truth is, as strong as you are, showing a face to others, maybe another face each day. As prepared as you are to face the unknown; as willing you are to not show your weaknesses because others depend on you or just because; as your mask is made of stone; as you face challenges and don’t bother about feelings (your feelings); you are flesh. This is the moment in which your heart beats, in which your heart hurts, in which you are sincere and silent.  You are not sad, you do not regret distant friends, you do not remember the distance or the departure, you are just melancholic. It is that “What if?” moment.

This moment is not unique (you will have plenty of them), it is not unusual (you are human after all), this moment is a step (towards your goals). It is the moment in which you are part of the small people. You are prepared to change the course of your life. You are prepared to make life changing decisions. It is the moment in which every detail counts forever, the moment is you – small, human, unshielded, optimistic, idealist, friendly, open, caring, altruist. Every great person has this moment in order to become a leader.

In that very moment, you ask your friend: “Do we buy a beer?”, he says yes and the moment is gone! You are ready to conquer another mountain, or DREAM!

Best regards,

Geo (Belea2008)

P.S.: I said not all will become leaders; it is a false statement: everyone is a leader in its own unique way! Take care of you, your heart and I wish you success in conquering your mountains! (as always, if you have troubles, you can contact me on http://twitter.com/Belea2008)