I see dead people… =))

Dear readers,

Question: “What is the date of expiry of validity for a secret?”

Recommended background: “Madonna – Secret” (embedded below)

Inspiration: Validity (Romanian – translated in English below)

In the last week, I have been haunting the web, jumping between blogs, reading ideas, viewing different writing styles. Analyzing; processing; thinking. Even if they talk about wine, about things or about ideas, all of them have something in common: they want to express themselves. This expression is more or less personal; fictional; cryptic, is more or less who they are. Even in cases when the online persona is totally opposite from the real life counterpart, this persona wants to express a message. And I reached a person who wrote 99 things about her (Romanian). Unusual blog – it is mostly about “Top 5″ various bits and pieces. But among all these bits and pieces, I found a message that challenged my neuron…

Let’s say someone has a secret, one thing that he/she did, or a belief, or whatever. The point is that nobody knows about it. Forget about the stereotype that a secret cannot be kept really secret, and that at any given time at least two people know about it. Let’s suppose that only one person knows. How long should that person wait until it is all right to reveal the mystery? When I say “all right”, I mean the absence of major repercussions, but also that those who would learn the secret would not consider it necessary to judge the person for what he/she did, or for what he/she  thinks.

I think that, as in most cases, everything is relative, and the date of expiry of validity of a secret depends on its importance (or, better said, on its severity). For example, if someone has lied to his/her parents, that person can tell them after a short time without the risk of a punishment (of course, the secret is not about him/her killing another human being). But maybe there should be some warranty terms by category.

When can you tell the guy you loved silently in high school how much you liked him without him looking at you with condescension or simply start laughing at you?

When you can tell your homophobic friends that you had intimate experiences with someone of the same sex (and you liked it) without them excluding you from the group?

How long you should wait until you tell a teacher that you have copied at all his exams and that you think that everything he taught you to be absolutely useless?

When can you tell a friend that you despise (or you have despised) his/her deeply loved?

When you disclose to your close ones that you had a relationship with a married man?

How long should you keep to yourself that you tried to commit suicide, but you did not succeed?

How long do you wait until you tell to a snobbish friend that you stole from a store?

And the fact that you do not tell to anyone means that it did not actually happen? It is a way to deny to yourself parts of your personality that you can not reconcile with and that you would condemn yourself for? It’s a way to bury your conscience or, the opposite, is just one more reason to burden yourself?

I’m waiting for suggestions.

The very definition of secret is hidden. Some may argue that some ideas/thoughts/events can be secrets (as in “hidden”) and the same things change their status. Well, those people are right and not. My (humble) opinion is that there are no small secrets. If you tell an idea, a belief to a friend; it was not a secret. If you share an awkward, unusual, hurtful event with a person you know; it was not a secret. If someone knows about your deepest bits and pieces of yourself; then those bits and pieces were not secrets. Every “secret” you will share is, in fact, a more important and serious piece of information (because you share it very hard and you share it only with a few people). To sum up: for me, secrets are defined as having no date of expiry of validity. As in, you take them into the death’s dust!

QUESTION: When do you share a secret? ANSWER: Why should I share it? We already established that it is hidden for serious/grave reasons; for serious/grave consequences. Why should I hurt others by telling them a disturbing opinion? Why should I be the one who ruins their day? What it would change? NOTHING! People like to be ignorant! “Ignorance is bliss!” – a very true statement. Simple people are more happy than others. “The truth sets you free!” – so totally wrong. Truth hurts people; it hurts them because they do not wish to hear it. Tell the truth; tell your secrets – I dare you! You will be instantly demonized and hated.

And to reach the end of this rant, one last (humble) opinion: your secret happened. It was real. You learned from it. You matured. The fact that you keep it for yourself does not reduce from its reality, its importance, its influence over you. It is not a sign of inhumanity, a guilt or a burden; it is only a private part of yourself; it is only YOUR SECRET!

Best regards,

Geo.